One of the most profound and transformative moments for me was when my coach was able to make me see my "old friends"; Those thoughts in my head that kick in almost as soon as I try to show myself; to force me back into hiding.
Most of us were raised by people who didn’t exactly ace the “self-love” course. Maybe they had kids because of societal pressure, boredom, or because Netflix wasn’t around yet — who knows? Either way, when it comes to nurturing ourselves, a lot of us are out here winging it.
Now, how do we fix this whole “not knowing how to love ourselves” thing? Well, it’s not as easy as binge-watching self-help videos on YouTube. It starts with becoming aware of the those nagging negative voices in your head. Once you can spot them, you will even be able to know where they come from. Was it your mom? Your dad? That kid from the block who thought calling you “Muffintop” was comedy gold? Whoever it was, your ego was like, “Oh, cool, we’ll keep that. Sounds fun.”
The real magic trick is that you can banish those negative voices. And when I tell you how, you'll think it's a joke. All you need to do is shine a spotlight on them (Yes, that is what meditation is) . See, they're like those creepy monsters under your bed – they only come out in the dark. But once you turn on the light of your awareness, they'll scurry back under the mattress.
This is the whole point behind exposure therapy, a scientifically proven method (Craske et al. 2014, Foa & Kozak 1986, Emmelkamp & Rinck 2005 ) that is centered around the fact that trauma is reduced simply by speaking about it.
Will they ever completely disappear? Nah, that would be too boring for them. But they'll get tired of playing hide-and-seek if you're always one step ahead. Once you catch them in their sneaky little games, they'll lose interest. It's like trying to scare a kid who's seen too many horror movies – they're just not impressed anymore.
And to balance things out, you need to give those good voices a megaphone. Imagine this: a negative voice pipes up, and you're like, 'Oh, hey there, Negative Nancy! Thanks for stopping by, but I'm busy living my best life. And by the way, your opinion is as valuable as a dollar bill in the 1920s – worthless.' We call this 'healthy denial' – because sometimes, telling your inner critic to go pound sand is the healthiest thing you can do.
So, there you have it: the secret to loving yourself isn't as complicated as it might seem. It's about shining a light on those pesky negative voices and giving your positive ones a megaphone. It's about recognizing the patterns of self-sabotage and breaking free from them.
Remember, it's okay to not be perfect. It's okay to make mistakes. What matters is that you're kind to yourself, you're learning and growing, and you're taking steps towards a more fulfilling life.
So, the next time you hear that little voice telling you you're not good enough, remember: it's just a bully hiding in the shadows. Shine a light on it, look it right in the eyes, with no judgement, and watch it slink away. And most importantly, be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
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